Twelve Things: Visiting London

It’s been 914 days since I stumbled off a plane at Heathrow and found myself riding in a taxi in the left lane. Although we’ve managed to budget time and money on travelling elsewhere, the vast majority of our time has been spent in London itself, and frankly, I’m curious when some educational authority will mail me my London diploma. I mean, I’ve very much inhabited London as a local, but I’ve been astoundingly good at continuing to explore London’s attractions (touristy or otherwise), too. Surely I’ve earned at least a Master’s in London at this point, right? Right?

So I, with my self-awarded Master’s in London, have come up with the twelve things all visitors must do in London. I’ve limited it to twelve, because (1) I like nice even numbers and am physically incapable of making a list of some crazy number like 14 or 19, and (2) otherwise, I’ll go on forever. Oh, and this was going to just be a list, but it turned into a three-day itinerary, an itinerary that could be very full if you like taking your time in museums, or it could have plenty of space if you’d like to add other nearby attractions.

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DAY ONE

Tower of London (1)

Hours: Sun-Mon 10-16:30; Tues-Sat 9-16:30

Cost: 19.80

Oh, look at me being all creative and recommending the number one tourist attraction ever. But wait! I have vaguely original things to say! There are really good reasons the Tower is the number one tourist attraction in London: (1) sheer wealth of history; (2) the Crown Jewels are among the most interesting (and--no pun intended--best displayed) collection of crown jewels in Europe; (3) the White Tower (i.e. THE Tower) offers a highly organized route through history, from the eleventh century through WWII; (4) every turret, wall, and building holds an attraction of some kind; (5) the exterior is fun to explore, too, climbing walls and such. So suck it up, fork over the almost-twenty-pounds, and pay attention, because here’s how you see the Tower of London properly: (a) arrive at least 15 minutes before opening to buy your tickets or queue up if you’ve procured a membership; (b) when the gates open, go directly to the Crown Jewels—do not pass go, do not collect $200—and enjoy seeing every shiny tiara, trinket, and punch bowl without any crowds or queues; (c) exit the Crown Jewels and go directly to the White Tower, which by now will have some people milling around, but it won’t be crowded just yet—take your time here, whether you like the quiet of Saint John’s chapel or the violence of the armory; (d) now go back to the beginning and take a yeoman warder tour (covered by the cost of admission) or start climbing walls or exploring the miscellaneous turrets; (e) pause to marvel at the queue for the Crown Jewels that now extends out the door.

Borough Market (2)

Hours: Thurs 11-17; Fri 12-18; Sat 8-17

Cost: Free until you find something tasty

 A short walk from the Tower and across the Thames (you can stroll across Tower Bridge, if you like), you’ll find Borough Market, a place that attracts tourists and Londoners alike. Wander about, in and out of the various sections to survey your options. If it’s lunchtime, grab some prepared food (a brat, souvlaki, spanakopita, a pasty, or just about anything else you can imagine) and enjoy in the Southwark Cathedral churchyard (pop in here, too, if you want to see the weirdest Shakespeare statue ever). If it isn’t lunchtime, assemble a picnic for later: cheese, berries, and bread. If you’re staying with a friend, find something sweet for dessert that evening (I’ll have some baklava, thanks). Take your time here and bring lots of exact change!

Thames Path (3)

Hours: Whenever

Cost: Free

The Thames Path from Borough Market to the London Eye extends close to two miles, taking you past a variety of possible stops. There’s the hokey Clink (7 pounds) and the uber-touristy Golden Hinde (4 pounds). Further on, you’ll see the replica of Shakespeare’s Globe (you can schedule a tour or see a play for 5 pounds in quasi-sixteenth-century style) and the Tate Modern (free—worth a quick stop, even if modern art isn’t your thing). Just in front of the Tate Modern, Millennium Bridge leads you to Christopher Wren's Saint Paul’s for either a visit (14.50) or a photo-op (free). Back on the southern side of the river, you’ll discover the Jubilee Walkway with loads of buskers and performers, especially near the National Theatre. Finally, you’ll reach the crowded Jubilee Gardens and the London Eye (which is cool to see, but too expensive—from 16 pounds—to ride unless you have perfect weather and very few people in your little pod).

DAY TWO

Parliament Photo Op (4)

Hours: Whenever, but best in the morning

Cost: free

Early in the day, start next to Westminster Bridge across from Parliament. With the sun at your back, these gorgeous buildings are lit perfectly if you have any sun at all that day. Marvel at the clock tower and all the commuters on their way to work across Westminster Bridge.

Westminster Abbey (5)
Hours: Mon-Fri 9:30-16:30; Sat 9:30-14:30
Cost: 16.00
Westminster Abbey is absolutely required. If you haven't been there, then you haven't been to London, end of discussion. Don't be intimidated by the history: the audioguide is fantastic.

Churchill War Rooms (6)

Hours: daily 9:30-18

Cost: 15.95

A little ways up from the Thames, the Churchill War Rooms make up a stellar museum. You can walk through the secret rooms in which Churchill and his administration plotted out World War II strategy—everything you see is a genuine artifact, from the doodles on the maps to the rotary phones to every stick of furniture. An abundantly useful audioguide lectures on the story behind each room: explaining its function, reviewing who worked there, pointing out little details you might not otherwise notice. In the middle of all this, you’ll find the Churchill Museum, a huge room of interactive displays that covers Churchill’s life with boatloads of artifacts to boot. If you have a passing interest, this place will take you maybe an hour; if you are seriously invested in the WWII period, this place will take all day.

National Gallery and National Portrait Gallery (yes, I'm cheating: 7)

Hours: Sat-Thurs 10-18; Fri 10-21

Cost: free

From the War Rooms, you can skirt Saint James Park or wander up Whitehall to Trafalgar Square. Snap a picture with the iconic lions and head for the National Gallery. This huge collection requires just a little research before you show up—there’s no way to take it all in without suffering from art fatigue. But you can admire the romance of Boticelli, the courtliness of Holbein, or the mysteries of medieval iconography. Oh, and three of the four ninja turtles are there (Michelangelo, Raphael, and da Vinci).

Exiting the National Gallery, turn left and wander around the side of the building to find the National Portrait Gallery. This is another place that requires a little research before your arrival. Do you want to check out some portraits painted before artists mastered dimension and depth? They have that. Want to see images of Henry VIII’s extensive family tree (and their courtiers, poets, and playwrights)? Head upstairs. Or maybe you’re a fan of contemporary photographs of actors, royals, and musicians? Ask at reception about the latest prize winners.

Theatre (8)

Hours: most evening shows start at 19 or 19:30

Cost: plenty of shows have tickets starting in the twenty-pound range

The London theatre scene has everything, from West End musicals to Shakespeare to Tennessee Williams to experimental theatre. Perhaps best of all, this world-class theatre is a fraction of the price of the same thing in New York. For example, we decided to splurge on Wicked tickets last year for 65 pounds per ticket (just under a hundred bucks). The exact same tickets to see Wicked in New York are $140 each. And that comparison is just the beginning—so many shows here have seats for twenty or thirty pounds (that’s why all our pictures from our theatre-going adventures are so high above the stage…).

DAY THREE

Museum of London (9)

Hours: daily 10-18

Cost: free

This is the Day of the Circle Line (sort of). So start at Barbican tube station and stroll over to the Museum of London for an astounding array of information starting in pre-Roman London. The path through the collection takes you on a chronological journey with a fantastic variety of items, all directly related to the development of London itself. It’s all so beautifully inter-disciplinary and fun. When you’re done here, continue around the Circle line to Kings Cross / Saint Pancras.

British Library (10)

Hours: Mon-Sat 9:30-18; Sun 11-19

Cost: free

No comments from the peanut gallery on this one: this is an awesome place to visit. First of all, it looks nothing like any other library you’ve visited. There are two nice canteens here and several free exhibitions, including the Sir John Ritblat Gallery: Treasures of the British Library. Some of the items are permanently on display, like early Beatles manuscripts (at least, I think they are permanent, because they haven’t changed in two-and-a-half years). Other displays change on a regular basis—for example, when Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland came out last year, there was an entire case devoted to Lewis Carroll. Anyway, this Gallery isn’t huge, so this is an easy stop in between two behemoth museums. From the British Library, head back to the tube station at Kings Cross / Saint Pancras and ride the Piccadilly line down to Holborn, which is near our next stop…

British Museum (11)

Hours: Sat-Thurs 10-17:30; Fri 10-20:30

Cost: free

Let’s get one thing straight: there isn’t much that is British in the British Museum (I’d advise against asking a Greek person how he or she feels about the Elgin Marbles). But the collection from ancient Egypt, Greece, and Assyria can keep you busy for hours. If you manage to make it upstairs, you’ll find some very cool Anglo-Saxon artifacts from Sutton Hoo. And that’s just the tiniest sliver of possibility in this iconic building. Seriously, you’ll find yourself way more interested in hieroglyphics and Vikings than you ever expected. When you’re done with all that history, it’s back to the tube, where you’ll have a bunch of options to work your way over to Regent’s Park.

Time in London’s Green Space (12)

Hours: whenever

Cost: free

After all those museums, it’s time to unwind in London’s great outdoors, and one of the greatest things about that is London’s use of green space. There are the Royal Parks and loads of other little green squares as well. Our favorite option, Regent’s Park, is a short tube ride away. We prefer this one, not only because it’s near our flat, but because it’s just far enough away from the madding tourist crowd—this is primarily a park for the locals (Buckingham tourists crowd Green and Saint James; Hyde Park is a destination for fans of Peter Pan, and Kensington Palace). You can admire the English penchant for making plants grow in very straight lines, grab a snack at the Honest Sausage, make use of a cycle hire, or just find an empty bench and people watch. It’s also great fun to check out some of the sporting events; my favorite is seeing 5-year-olds play soccer with greater skill than most American varsity teams.

So what did I skip that you find absolutely essential to a London visit? Did I mention anything that you find skippable?